


Rain Gods REVISED

by betawho



Series: Revised Episodes [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adventure, Character Study, Gen, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-03
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 07:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betawho/pseuds/betawho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a revised version of the Doctor Who minisode "Rain Gods." If you haven't seen it yet, don't read this! SPOILERS! - But if you have seen it, this is a rewrite to show what might have happened, if the Doctor had an actual plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain Gods REVISED

**Author's Note:**

> I was completely delighted to discover we got another scene with River and 11 in the Series 7 box set. But I'm really tired of the writing trend that has the Doctor being helpless and clueless and saved by some coincidence or writerly convenience, instead of being saved by his own cleverness.
> 
> So I rewrote Rain Gods to give him an actual _plan_.

River and the Doctor are being herded at spearpoint through the forest by angry natives.

“Okay, so tell me you have a plan,” River said, looking around for an escape.

“Hey?” the Doctor demands. “Why do I have to have a plan? You could have a plan. I chose the restaurant.”

“Yes, and accidentally took us to the planet of the Rain Gods, where we are now being sacrificed. _Plan!_ ” River demanded.

“Okay.” The Doctor thinks for a minute. “The plan is, we need to distract them with something before they actually sacrifice us to the Rain Gods. Then when they're distracted, we run away,” he finally said.

River stared at him. “That's not a plan, that's just _hoping_.”

The Doctor makes a face. “Hey it's a start.” He sniffs the air. “Can you smell something?” He pulls out the sonic screwdriver discreetly, so their guards don't see it.

“Why are they sacrificing us to the Rain Gods anyway?” River asked as she looked back at their captors.

“Appeases their wrath,” the Doctor explained, staring at the sky, as if he’s looking for something. “Apparently it's very good for the crops you know, sacrificing. There is actually some scientific evidence...”

River glares at him. “Oh, so you're in favor of being burnt alive now?”

“Just looking on the bright side, dear.”

Thunder roars. The Doctor slips the sonic down farther in his hand and starts thumbing the controls, as if he’s dialing it up and up.

“Ha! And there it is, Oi!" He raises the sonic, the end just barely showing over his hand, he jumps forward, casting a quick glance to the guards behind him.  He spreads his arms, sonic high, and addresses the sky. "If there are any Rain Gods out there, you're rubbish! Strike me dead if I'm wrong!” He keeps thumbing the sonic, the sonic sound is quiet under the drizzle, but it’s getting higher and higher, like an angry insect.

River notices. “What are you doing?”

“Smelling the ozone, dear.” The sonic sound suddenly blips out, and the Doctor quickly throws it into the brush. “Down!” He grabs River and shoves her down. They cover their heads. Thunder crashes, lightning spearing into the bushes where the sonic landed. The guards are blasted off their feet.

It begins to pour rain. The Doctor flicks open an umbrella and laughs.

They pop up and the Doctor turns to their stunned captors. “Best run, they’re likely to do that again you know. Rain gods, very temperamental.”

He grabs River and they run away, crouching together under the umbrella, laughing.

The Doctor and River run back to the Tardis.

Voice over. Tardis exterior. River and the Doctor are safely inside the Tardis.

“Sweetie, what did you do?” River asks.

“I just upped the gain on the sonic screwdriver to increase the electromagnetism and used it as a lightning rod. Simple,” he boasted.

“We could have been burned at the stake,” River said, breathlessly.

“I couldn’t let that happen,” the Doctor said. “Imagine what it would do to your hair.”

River, sounding slightly awed. “You gave up a sonic screwdriver.” Her tone went all mushy. “For _me_.”

“Yes, well,” sounding uncomfortably flustered.

“Oh, Sweetie!”

The Tardis starts to dematerialize. Shuffling sounds from inside.

The Doctor, admonishing, half panicked. “Now, River...”

Fade out.

—

* * *

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